Happy 5th of July

Fourth of July used to be my favorite holiday. It meant the thrill of fireworks all night, shorts and tank tops and sweaters. It meant sitting on my porch, running from spiders. Writing my name in smoke from sparklers. Popsicles and lemonade. It meant laughing as my mom ran from sparks, and booms lighting the dark.

Now it means sitting in a crowded kitchen watching a fireworks show, no popsicles. No spiders(thank god) or sparklers. Just watching. Then leaving.

Around my house is silent. The only sound is trees rustling and the occasional firework. No laughter or sparks flying.

I miss those days.

What happened?

Dear, You Know Who You Are

Do you remember when we met? I do. I remember like it was yesterday. Sometimes I even think it was yesterday. Then I remember that if it was, I'd still have you.

But I can recall every last thing about meeting you. Because it was something I wasn't expecting. I never thought someone could just walk into my life, and fix me. I thought it had to be more complicated than that.

It took a months for you to earn my trust, and now I worry about what you're going to do with it. I get sick just thinking about what you can do. But you worked so hard to earn it, and you're smart. Straight A's. I can't imagine anyone wasting so much time just to let it burn away.

Although, I also can't imagine why anyone would waste their time on me. I'm not worth the effort. Not at all.

Maybe you're crazy.

I know I am. I don't know where I'm going with this. I tend to get a bit off track.

Back to trust, I trust you with my life. I've never been one to hand out trust like pieces of gum. I'm more of a person who holds back, unable to trust herself.

Then you came along and made my life a lot easier.

I miss you.

and Thanks.

I just realized I started writing this about one person

and then half way through I started writing about another.