I think back to the end of June 
when baby, it was us
not me and you. 
close my eyes for a minute
flash forward to July
when you kept pretending  
but I knew it was a lie
you go back to her
and the rest is a blur
now it's August third
fourth 
or fifth 
damn, I'm so depressed
I don't know what day it is. 
Sitting in the back of the 128 
I don't know the time, so I can't be that late. 
I keep hoping you wont forget me
you'll regret you left me 
or maybe, 
that's just me.
my friends finding flaws in you I couldn't see
now I'm wondering was it you or was it me?


I know I'm not supposed to turn around 
but I keep looking back 
and I find it kind of funny 
that I can't forget what never had 
let me tell you the worst part of moving on 
is turning around and they're already gone. 

I'll make it look easy
but believe me, it's not.
You make it look easy
you leave me, you're gone.
I'll make it look easy
like you weren't even here
but why do I keep finding you
in this
that
there?
I close my eyes,
flashback to lie number one
mistake number two
strike three, you're done.
I'll open 'em like it's easy
crack jokes
but laughing wont please me
or ease the pain running through
half of my veins are bleeding you.
I'll make it look easy
but damnit, it's hard.
you're sorry you played me?
Baby, I'm no card.

So here's the thing.

Everyone looks at me like I'm a magician, I moved on so fast.

I make it look easy
look at all the people who actually want me.
I don't need you,
if you don't need me.
I'm already gone
when you decide to leave me.
And now you've got candy eyes
feeding me lies
like "baby, I'm sorry."
"Jessie, don't you want me?"
but I'm so sorry
I'm not drowning anymore
now you're on your knees
do you even know what you're sorry for?

meet life,
it's moving on.
I flashback to that night
and just like that, I'm gone
you lied
about what is and isn't
what you did or didn't
what is and what was
but I don't blame you
that's what a liar does.
I'm leaving you
You lost me
like liars do.


I'll just keep going
though I'm out of rhymes
maybe I can write my mind
into the right this time

Hey, Mr. Ego
Mr. Hearts For Dinner
Mr. Fuck her and leaver
Hey Mr. Nice guy
ha, that's a nice lie
Hey, how was forever?
yeah you're smart
but baby, I'm clever.

We fell into each other like summer rain 

with air still warm enough to taste 

we changed like seasons do 

you lied like liars do 

whatever the motivation 

or lack thereof 

whatever the situation 

or one made up 

you can’t change the things you rearranged

or grasp what almost was

you left the scars a liar does 

You weren’t even human 

when you washed me away

we fell apart like summer rain. 

and now you’re sorry 

but I’m so sorry 

I’m not drowning anymore

and now you’re sorry

but darling

what are you sorry for?

And now you’re sorry 

I’m leaving 

now you loved me 

like liars do. 

It's been a while.

I miss my old hair. ):

Down the street from the first house I ever lived in
there were train tracks
I payed no attention to the rumbles
but listened every night
for the screaming horns and whistles
I let them sing me to sleep
once a month, maybe twice
if I got lucky.
they stood there abandoned
sometimes I sat and waited for a train
an angel
a something
to remind those tracks
that they lead to somewhere
somewhere someone needs
someone someone needs.
I remember the nights I couldn't sleep
I would wait for the whistle
that would eventually lead to rumbles
that would hush me to sleep
eventually.
Most nights, they never came.
Most nights, I lie awake with my train tracks
untraveled
but never unloved.
And when we moved out of that house
I stepped out of the boxed I had yet to pack
I reminded those train tracks
that even though you are alone when it's cold
then absorbing sunshine on your own
even when it snows
and there are no blankets to protect you
I think you should know
you're going somewhere
somewhere someone needs to be
someone someone else needs to see.
You are needed
you are loved
even if by no one else,
by me.

They say even heroes fall down sometimes 
The best of the best find a way to fall
Every once in a while
And that's what makes them great
Getting up with a smile


Sometimes I think of a superhero 
as the man that can convince a 15 year old girl 
she is beautiful.
Because these days it so hard to find a mirror
that doesn't reflect lies into young eyes.
I think of a hero as someone who knows
that hands are not for holding guns or throwing signs 
someone who reminds kids that hands are for holding
hands are for molding
playdoh into people
A hero is a person who can stand 
eye to eye
face to face
hand in hand 
with fear
and keep walking because they know
it's just one more mountain to climb.

I've fallen and I've stood again
But I promise I'm no superwomen
I can't save a life
Or walk through walls
Believe me, I've tried 
I can't catch a fall 
Or hold the weight of a lie
Let alone the world
On my shoulders
I can't move boulders
or stop a train
I can only fall and get up again

We all wish to be invincible
Incredible, invisible
Everyone wants a super hero
I'm no super women
There's a tear down my cape
I have no one but myself to save 
I am no super women
I'm only human
So when you find there's a hole in my cape
And my wings are broken
Don't be disappointed

/:

The other day I tried typing out all of the lyrics to the song I was listening to to someone else. It wasn't the same.

It's weird when you miss someone more than you expected. because then you don't have a clue what to feel and everything is all mixed up and crazy.

No one reads this blog.
So I might start writing in it more. I made a Tumbler. I love Tumblr.
But everyone is making one and I had one so I could write the things that I don't want everyone to know.
My friends are getting on me nerves.
They always forget about me.
So then I'm stuck listening to their fucking stories and pretending to not be hurt.
Bitches.