Down the street from the first house I ever lived in
there were train tracks
I payed no attention to the rumbles
but listened every night
for the screaming horns and whistles
I let them sing me to sleep
once a month, maybe twice
if I got lucky.
they stood there abandoned
sometimes I sat and waited for a train
an angel
a something
to remind those tracks
that they lead to somewhere
somewhere someone needs
someone someone needs.
I remember the nights I couldn't sleep
I would wait for the whistle
that would eventually lead to rumbles
that would hush me to sleep
eventually.
Most nights, they never came.
Most nights, I lie awake with my train tracks
untraveled
but never unloved.
And when we moved out of that house
I stepped out of the boxed I had yet to pack
I reminded those train tracks
that even though you are alone when it's cold
then absorbing sunshine on your own
even when it snows
and there are no blankets to protect you
I think you should know
you're going somewhere
somewhere someone needs to be
someone someone else needs to see.
You are needed
you are loved
even if by no one else,
by me.

They say even heroes fall down sometimes 
The best of the best find a way to fall
Every once in a while
And that's what makes them great
Getting up with a smile


Sometimes I think of a superhero 
as the man that can convince a 15 year old girl 
she is beautiful.
Because these days it so hard to find a mirror
that doesn't reflect lies into young eyes.
I think of a hero as someone who knows
that hands are not for holding guns or throwing signs 
someone who reminds kids that hands are for holding
hands are for molding
playdoh into people
A hero is a person who can stand 
eye to eye
face to face
hand in hand 
with fear
and keep walking because they know
it's just one more mountain to climb.

I've fallen and I've stood again
But I promise I'm no superwomen
I can't save a life
Or walk through walls
Believe me, I've tried 
I can't catch a fall 
Or hold the weight of a lie
Let alone the world
On my shoulders
I can't move boulders
or stop a train
I can only fall and get up again

We all wish to be invincible
Incredible, invisible
Everyone wants a super hero
I'm no super women
There's a tear down my cape
I have no one but myself to save 
I am no super women
I'm only human
So when you find there's a hole in my cape
And my wings are broken
Don't be disappointed

/:

The other day I tried typing out all of the lyrics to the song I was listening to to someone else. It wasn't the same.

It's weird when you miss someone more than you expected. because then you don't have a clue what to feel and everything is all mixed up and crazy.

No one reads this blog.
So I might start writing in it more. I made a Tumbler. I love Tumblr.
But everyone is making one and I had one so I could write the things that I don't want everyone to know.
My friends are getting on me nerves.
They always forget about me.
So then I'm stuck listening to their fucking stories and pretending to not be hurt.
Bitches.

I wish I could drop my artificial smile
and half witted lies

All I've ever wanted to be is human
but all I've ever felt
is like a monster fighting a battle
with myself

Walking and talking
without knowing feeling
hurting but never healing
No talents
no dreams
a zombie constantly
trying to be
what everyone else wants my mirror to see
now I can't believe this monster is me

I want to be human
I want prince charming to love me
I want to look down
but sent prayers above me

I want concrete hourglasses
and wish on number as time passes
all I've ever wanted is to feel alive
but all I see
is a monster inside

I'm a secondhand vintage version of myself
Continually compared to everyone else
I wish I could put the mirror down
remove the makeup
turn around
life isn't as simple
when it's your own in your hands
take off your mask
it might help you understand
that I won't let myself be human
because they make mistakes
take Barbie dolls and altered reflections
I'm what that makes.
All I've ever wanted is to feel human
but I'd rather be a monster
than feel this fake.

If I Were To Write a Book

I want to make a documentary using nothing but a camera
on city buses.
Because I have a million ideas of what the story behind each face that gets on might be.
And sometimes I feel like writing it down.